An Open Letter To My Boyfriend This Christmas

Look, I know every Christmas wish list starts with ‘this year I’ve been a very good girl’ but this year I HAVE been a very good girl. I’ve pretended to enjoy your football chat, laughed at the memes you send me even if I’d seen them before, and even rescued all the black socks you leave in with the white washing. I think I deserve some lipstick. And to stop you cluelessly wandering the aisles of our local department store a week before the main event, I’ve put together a handy guide, so that you can just add it all to basket and get your year’s shopping done in five minutes. I know. I’m so good to you.

Honestly my biggest regret is introducing you to my skincare cupboard – when we met, you didn’t even use moisturiser, and yet now you trawl through my products like ‘excuse ME, where is your hylauronic acid serum? My skin is PARCHED’. As a result, I’m going through a skincare drought and could do with a top up. So how about getting me the Peter Thomas Roth Mask Frenzy Kit? It comes with six different masks that all have different benefits (and are – importantly – all different, fun colours, so our ‘couples who mask together, stay together’ Instagram pictures have variety), and at 50ml a jar, there’s even a chance they might last me more than a month with you constantly dipping into them.

Look – we all love nudes. Your favourite might involve skimpy underwear, but we all know the best kind of nude is long-wearing, light feeling, and has a matte, peach undertone. Spoil me (I’m worth it) with a box of eight nudes – nude matte liquid lipsticks that is. Jeffree Star’s The Mini Velour Liquid Lipstick Nudes Volume Two Vault will do just nicely.

On our first date you asked why my nose was so sparkly, but over the months you’ve come to realise: don’t question my highlighter. It’s not worth it. YES I need a sparkly nose. And cheekbones. I know I’m only running to the shop but it’s important! And YES – for the last time – the ‘front of my eyes’ are meant to be sparkly. Yep, and under my eyebrows too. It’s all there on purpose. Make up for your ignorance with the Beauty Bay Delicate Bouncy Beam Multi Use Highlighter Palette, and let me live my best highlighted life in peace!!!

There’s nothing worse that sitting down to do a full face then realising I forgot to dampen my Beautyblender. Literally nothing. It’s day ruining stuff. Luckily, I have you, who I can always rely on to run to the bathroom for me, Beautyblender in hand. You’ve really learnt to get it to the perfect dampenosity (yes, I may have just made that word up but it describes exactly what I mean), and for that, I’m proud. I wouldn’t want to spoil your fun (you always look so pleased when I praise you for your perfect blender moistening skills), so why not get me another? The Beautyblender Jewel Box Set is a fun lucky dip gift set that comes with a coloured Beauty Blender and a matching Jewel Shaped Cleanser (and is already in cute festive packaging, so you don’t need to bother wrapping it. Win, win).

And finally, can I have the Jackie Aina x Anastasia Beverly Hills Palette? Pretty please? There’s no pun for this one. No fun joke here. I literally just NEED it. Have you seen the colours? The sparkles? The pigmentation? With names like ‘Shookington’, ‘Zamn’ and ‘Dwollahs’, it is IMPERATIVE that I own it. I know you think all of my two hundred eyeshadow palettes look the same, but I can say with complete confidence that every single one is slightly different. So yeah. Don’t worry about the chocolate orange this time. One of these in my stocking will do nicely.